Some of you may have heard the term Death Café and wondered what it was. To be honest the first time I heard it, I immediately thought you grieve and sit around and hear sad things.
I went to my first Death Café in the later part of 2019. It was a wet, cold windy night. We met at a local coffee shop that I had been dying (pardon the pun) to try. This was sponsored by Hospice Huronia up here. They are in Penetanguishene but service the area.
So most of us admitted to being curious as to what a Death Café was. Now, on the notice we responded to, it did say that if you are actively grieving this was not the place for you to go.
We went around the table and introduced ourselves and what we expected out of the evening. Well, I have to say I would have never said I would have enjoyed an evening as much as I did that night. I had considered backing out because I really wasn’t sure.
Now, I have already signed up for the next Death Café. So, now what exactly is a Death Café and what do you get out of it.
So according to Wikipedia a Death Café is:
“A Death Cafe is a scheduled non-profit get-together (called “social franchises” by the organizers) for the purpose of talking about death over food and drink, usually tea and cake. The goal of these nonprofit groups is to educate and help others become more familiar with the end of life. The idea originates with the Swiss sociologist and anthropologist Bernard Crettaz [fr], who organized the first café mortel in 2004. Jon Underwood a UK web developer was inspired by Crettaz’s work and developed the Death Cafe model in 2011. They have since been held in 66 countries.”
We did have tea and we did have yummy homemade brownies and other treats. We did discuss death but nothing was gruesome. We talked about our personal stories and situations surrounding our loved ones deaths.
We shared our views on dying and how we handled situations. I know that there were some that shared some very personal situations that left us all teary eyed but many times we were laughing and enjoying the conversation.
We were not being disrespectful but giving ideas on how we can make dying easier and less scary for others. Let’s face it, everyone loves to talk about babies, weddings and happy events but no one, not one person really enjoys talking about death.
Why? It is something we all are going to face at one point or another. We can’t escape it. So why avoid it. Most people haven’t got a clue as to what their loved ones want in terms of funerals.
I was lucky and blessed that my mother had always talked to me about this subject. No we are not a morbid family but we are realistic knowing that you could walk outdoors and get hit by a bus and die. So why not let everyone know what you want when it is your time.
Now, my husband and I have chatted about it and his answer to me when I ask what does he want. He doesn’t care, he won’t be there. So, for me I know that for him, no service, no fancy anything. A box and cremation will do for him.
Now for me, I am a bit more challenging. I know exactly what I want. I am not sure I would have a full service, but I would like to be acknowledged with my fellow clergy. Maybe a memorial would be in order, yup that is good. However, cremation is for me, but I want to be put in one of those planters that you become a tree. I want to be a maple tree. That would make me happy.
Now whether that actually happens will be seen.
But getting back to the Death Café, they truly are a good thing to have. It gets the conversation started about dying. Think about starting your own Death Cafe. Believe me it isn’t as scary or fearful as one would think.
If you are in the Midland/Penetanguishene area, contact Hospice Huronia for information on the Death Café, they will give you the information of who to contact.
Also, if you are grieving and need help, Hospice’s have people to offer bereavement support for you. Contact your local Hospice.
Let’s get the conversation started, Dying is not to be afraid of.
Cheers
Rev. Lorie
